‘Tis the season to be…studying??
Hold the freakin phone!
What is this? Some kind of mad episode of ‘The Twilight Zone’ where everything is backwards? Up is down, black is white, Boyzone are popular and Lady Gaga is voted sexiest singer of the year?
Because if I’m not mistaken it’s Christmas Season.
A time of joy and good will. A time where neighbours smile at each other and people help their fellow man. A time when children pretend to be nice in case an old grubby man in a tattered red suit with an unkempt beard is watching them through his magical binoculars (you see it’s creepy when you say it out loud, isn’t it?), instead of the moaning, lecherous, mini demons that they are January through November.
So why do I find myself cramped into a library studying for an exam??
Isn’t that the opposite of festive?
It’s now 18.35 and ive been in the library since 9:00, I’m wrecked cause I slept on the floor last night beside a washing machine that was set on spin all night, and then I woke up and someone said “Oh. Well why didnt you just turn it off?”
Eh cause its not my house you freak and put your pants on when you’re talking to me!!
(actually only 3/4 of this story is true, can you guess which 1/4 is fabricated?)
Well either can I, cause I was drunk!
“But you don’t drink” I hear you all say through disappointed, judging lips.
Now I know this may come as a shock to most of you, well actually just those of you who have never met or heard of me and have received this post through some glitch in the matrix, but I do. Don’t worry it’s not considered a problem…cause I’m Irish!
Nevertheless I have an exam tomorrow and seem perfectly fine, which scares me cause usually I’m freakin out about now at the fact that I know nothing.
So technically I’m freaking out because I’m not freaking out, if you know what I mean. Kind of a Catch 22 situation. Hey here’s an interesting fact about Catch 22 which you can guarantee won’t be on the exam tomorrow:-
Did you know Catch 22 (the book, for all you philistines) was originally called Catch 18 but the publishers already had another book with the number 18 in it so they changed it to twenty two?
Now you gotta ask yourself “Did he just make that up or is he really an evil genius plotting to confuse the world by using big words such as “philistine” and “received” and “world”?
The truth is we’ll never know.
or will we?
The answer is no.
Or is it?
You see it wasnt no.
I could go on all day, and those of you who know me, know that I probably will. Its better than the alternative of study.
At this point I should probably warn you that if you have something important to do like say, defusing a bomb or maybe you left a small child un-supervised on a shelf somewhere, Maybe now would be a good time to go check that shit out. Don’t worry ill still be typing this post by the time you get back.
Ok for those of you who are hating me right now because you’ve read the whole post thus far hoping i had a point……..
I NEVER PROMISED YOU ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!
and anyway a certain Irish author by the name of James Joyce (you may have heard of him) sold millions upon millions of copies of his book “Portrait of an Artist” by simply following his train of thought.
I think my train of thought has been derailed or maybe it was cancelled due to lack of staff or “Leaf Fall” or a disruption in the lines at Connelly Station.
I do realise that only people who have gotten the train in Dublin, or the “Dart” as it is antonymously called, will know what I’m talking about here so let me explain.
You see the train service in Dublin is pretty shit and “Leaf Fall”…get this…is the technical term used by the train service for leaves on the track causing delays to service. They should call it “Pissed Driver Who Was Out on the Beer All Night and Didn’t Bother Showing up to Work This Morning”. Then again maybe that would be too difficult for the announcer to read when he’s lying face down in a pool of his own alcohol induced vomit.
Well now that I’ve got that off my chest I feel as though I probably should apologise for this post.
But let it be known I could have gone on and on but someone rang me and now i have to go.
P.s. Are libraries totally exempt to festive good cheer? Not one decoration in here.
OK time to hit the books. Or at the very least, time to hit that librarian who keeps shushing everybody with the books.
P.p.s. Those of you who have no Christmas exams……. whats the matter, couldn’t get a REAL education?
- ‘Tis the Season (rosylittlethings.typepad.com)
- Through hell and back again- but hey, at least I got a free lunch (alicelostinwonderland.com)
- How Not To Study (catecullen.wordpress.com)