If you are reading this then you have just been nominated for the coveted and wildly sought after
“Best Amazing Super Terrific Awesome Read Daily” Award! (Or the B.A.S.T.A.R.D. Award for short)
Right now you must feel ecstatic and I don’t blame you but please don’t be under the illusion that you got this for your blogging skills my friend. Oh no sir. You have been nominated simply by being the last person in the Blogosphere with out a BASTARD.
Now all you have to do to claim your BASTARD Award is this:
1) Post a link to this website telling everybody how great it is and how amazing and insightful all my posts are.
2) Learn Chinese in a week
3) Can you Cartwheel for me a few times? Lets say fourteen times. If they are not consecutive then you must start again.
4) Punch yourself in the face. Hard.
5) Give me your Credit card and pin number and send all your worldly belongings to P.O. Box 1342, Idiotswell, Moronville, Ireland.
5) Hunt down and maim an actual human being. Then blog about your experience.
When you are finished Nominate a BASTARD Award to no less than 397 bloggers or your computer will spontaneously combust. Not only will you lose your fingers, half your face and your will to live but, worst of all, you will lose any chance you ever had of getting this award.
We don’t want that and we know you don’t either. So get to work. I know it may look like a chain letter but you know what they say: “Chain Letters are in the eye of the beholder.”
They do. They say that.
Oh and congratulations again on being a total B.A.S.T.A.R.D.
You’ve earned it.